Sad Day

For those that don't know yet, my Grandpa Wilf Smith went home to our Lord last night. At times like this it's so hard to put into words what you feel. Why am i so sad to see him go? He's where i want to be some day right? Is it because i feel guilty for not spending more time with him when he was here? Is it because i feel sorry for the pain he had to go through to get there? Am i worried about my Grandma being alone (which i know she won't because she's surrounded by family)? Ultimately, it seems rational that i should be happy for Grampa, he's home and that what i should try to feel, but for some reason i just can't get past the sadness of him not being here anymore.

This was the first person Ireland has ever been closed to that has died, so it's a hard time for her as well. I'm just glad that we got to see Grampa just before Christmas this year, while it might have seemed insignificant at the time, it feels enormous now that in some small way we got to say goodbye. Please keep my Gramma and my mom in your prayers over the next few days as we start to cope with the loss.

In Case Anyone Didn't Know!

A Certain someone got to go to an Oiler game this last weekend, I'll write some more about it later, but for now, i just wanted to make sure everyone new this point. Nuff Said.

I'm not a procrastinator...just get things done.

It's February already....Time in our house is just flying by. It's not been a month since out trial has completed, and still no answer. Our life seems to be all about waiting....waiting for other people to decide our future. I can't imagine life if Ireland is to live at her mothers. I think my heart would stop, even when it's at a slow beat right now waiting. I can't stand waiting. God is definitely trying to teach me patience. I'm not a very patient person. I'm the person who shakes the presents under the Christmas tree at least once a day. I'm the person who glares at people when they tell me, "it'll happen when it happens", or "just be patient". It seems that I'm the one in our house that struggles with patience. Todd is a very patient person. It drives me bananas how good he is sometimes at dealing with things. Especially with this court decision we're waiting for. It is killing me being unable to do something to speed things up. Waiting...

And with our house being torn to pieces it seems like. Having a basement that leaks. Not having the money right now to fix it, because of court bills. Just waiting for spring, when our rec room will be covered in water. Just waiting for that too. Waiting for us to win the lottery so that we can pay all our bills and add onto our house, build a deck, put in laminate flooring, pay Todd's student loan, buy him a vehicle he'll be happy with, get a hot tub (that's for me), and essentially not having any more things to do on the house, and we could finally just enjoy it. Waiting...

Waiting for people to tell me their pregnant because they all seem to have better luck than we do...that's frustrating too. That's all I'll say about that, but still waiting...

It seems that our first 3 1/2 years of marriage have been surrounded by waiting...waiting for ireland to be in our primary custody, waiting for babies, waiting for money, just waiting...

I wish for something significant to happen. This is where my patience gets tested all the time. I try to fill my days and months with activities to take my mind off the significant things in life that we are waiting for. Otherwise I think Todd would have to check me into the funny farm. This is by far the biggest, longest wait of a present God has given to me, maybe to see if I'll shake it.